A Definitive Ranking of the 15 Worst Christmas Songs

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For as long as popular music has been around, artists have shared their interpretation of classic Christmas songs or penned their own. Some of these have become classics that people would listen to the whole year round. These 15 songs are the opposite, making you plug your ears and pray for New Years Day.

15. New Kids on the Block – Funky, Funky, X-Mas

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NKOTB was on top of the world in the 1980’s selling records, tickets, lunchboxes, dolls and anything else they could put their name on. So they dropped a Christmas album in 1989 and it went double platinum. In the lead single, Funky, Funky, X-Mas, the boys attempt to turn up Christmas by singing and rapping, but instead convince you to turn on something else.

14. Jessica Simpson Featuring Ashlee Simpson – Little Drummer Boy

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Jessica Simpson and her little sister Ashlee sang a duet for the 2004 Nick and Jessica Holiday special and it is really, really something. Jessica was a major star at the time and Ashlee was slowly being rolled out. Early into the Christmas classic it starts to seem as if they sisters are trying to out-sexy while belting the classic song. It has to be seen to be believed.

13. Barbra Streisand – Jingle Bells

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Singing Christmas songs is so lucrative that even Barbra Streisand decided to get in on the action. The iconic singer chose to interpret the classic by singing it as fast as she can. While there might be some artistry to Barbra’s version, that doesn’t make it any easier to listen to.

12. John Denver/Alan Jackson – Daddy, Please (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)

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Christmas songs are generally recorded to bring joy during the season, but some tunes instead focus on society’s ills. The normally upbeat Denver released this song in the mid-70’s (Alan Jackson released a cover version in 1993) where a child pleads with his father to stay sober so he doesn’t ruin Christmas.

11. Band Aid – Do They Know Its Christmas?

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The intentions behind the song were great, as they all-star recording raised millions to fight famine in Ethiopia. But decades later, the tun comes off as smug and out of touch. Even the song’s writer, Bob Geldof, called it one of the worst songs ever.

10. The Killers – Don’t Shoot Me Santa

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The Killers have been a very popular band for years, but their sounds doesn’t necessarily lend itself to Christmas music. Still, they sang a song in 2007 from the point of view of a teenager who had murdered fellow kids and was hoping Santa woulnd’t shoot him.

9. Lou Monte – Domenic the Donkey

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In addition to classic Christmas songs, there are also novelty Christmas songs and one of the first of these was Domenic the Donkey. Sung by Italian American Lou Monte, it tells how Santa is forced to use donkeys in Italy rather than reindeer and it is just as bad as it sounds.

8. NewSong – The Christmas Shoes

It was seem natural for a Christian band to record a Christmas song and that is what NewSong did in 2000. But their song about a boy asking a stranger to help him buy shoes for his dying mother so that she could look nice when she met Jesus was so over the top that it’s hard to take seriously.

7. The Jackson 5 – I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus was originally recorded by Jimmy Boyd, but the most famous version is by the Jackson 5 in 1970. The joke of the song is that a child sees his father, dressed as Santa Claus, kissing his mother and believes she is cheating on his Dad. Weird stuff.

6. Baby It’s Cold Outside – John Legend and Kelly Clarkson

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First written in 1944, the lyrics of Baby It’s Cold Outside has long made the male in the song seem like a bit of a predator. John Legend and Kelly Clarkson recorded a duet of the song in 2019, reimagined with lyrics that imply sexual consent. The two singers would have been better off singing something else.

5. Justin Bieber – Mistletoe

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Pop idol Justin Bieber decided to get in on the Christmas craze in 2011 with the song Mistletoe. The thing is, it’s just like any other Bieber, with a very light holiday veneer. And as a general rule, a Christmas song that features the term ‘shawty’ isn’t going to be all that good.

4. Joe Pesci – If It Doesn’t Snow On Christmas

Joe Pesci can sign, he even put out an album in the 60’s before becoming a renowned actor. In 1998 he decided to cut an album, that included, If It Doesn’t Snow On Christmas, which surely must hold the holiday song record for having the most f-bombs.

3. Last Christmas – Wham!

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Last Christmas, released by Wham! in 1984 is a Christmas staple and among the most popular holiday songs. It is also just awful. The repetitive song just drones on and on and you begin to understand why the singer’s heart was given away.

2. Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmastime

Paul McCartney performing at Thompson-Boling Arena in Knoxville, Tenn. on Tuesday, May 31, 2022. Kns Mccartneyreview 0602

Paul McCartney is one of the two or three greatest songwriters. He’s also inspired thousands of great songs with his incredible work. Everyone’s allowed a miss, though, and Wonderful Christmastime is that for Sir Paul.

1. Michael Buble – Santa Baby

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Long a staple during the holiday season, Santa Baby was first made popular by Eartha Kitt and later Madonna. Buble decided to do his own broey version of the song that it pretty much him asking Santa for luxury items because he’s been a good boy.

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